Seven Keys to help you decide Relationship Rescue or Divorce with Dignity!

Be realistic and assess the implications of the decision you are making, it is all too easy to allow the emotions of the situation to drive through the result.  The more prepared you are the better, otherwise when the mess hits the fan you will be struggling to keep it all together.


What has been the trigger that has brought you to the point of break up?

Sometimes the trigger is a one off behaviour or attitude that has triggered the idea of separation. Assessing the history of your relationship and finding out the point at which the relationship became stale is a good starting point. All relationships can be rescued if there is willingness to do so, unless there is physical, emotional or sexual abuse.

What are the things that you and your partner fail to speak about?

Lack of communication and honesty is often the start of a relationship break up, people are too busy, to scared or simply lacking in awareness that there is a problem they need to talk about.  Being honest with yourself and your partner is vital to the success of every relationship and friendship.

What have you both tried to bring about a resolution?

Deciding on your own to separate or break up a family is never the best solution to any situation, it leaves the un informed partner feeling very angry and upset and this later causes much more conflict than is necessary.
It is key to success that you and your partner discuss the situation and see if there is any possibility of a resolution.

How will your life change if you take the road of separation?

Have you fully considered the implications? Friends and family will have to make choices, they will be dragged into something that is not of their choosing, remember that your decision willl have an impact on everyone you know or is linked to you, this is not just about you, even though you think it is.

What will be the effect on both you and your children?

Children are ALWAYS affected by divorce, it changes the way they think about themself and the way they live their life in the future.  Even the most civilised of divorces puts a mammoth strain on the children who always get to know too much about what is going on and often feel they have to support one or other of their parents.  Children do not divorce their parents they are totally powerless about how and what happens.

Will your financial situation be acceptable to everyone concerned?

If you are already living on a tight budget it will become tighter and the same pot of money has to be divided to provide for two homes. Even if there is a considerable amount of income it will definitely become an issue in any divorce settlement, are you prepared for this.

What do you imagine will be the upside of a breakup and what will be the downside?

Out there after your decision is a new world of things that can happen for you, look at this world without rose coloured spectacles.  Over there will not always be greener than over here. 

How will you deal with being alone each evening - how will you manage your children on your own - how will you manage financially when you have less money than you have now. You may be looking forward to pleasing yourself on a daily basis, however that can prove to be lonely in the long run.

You may hope to meet someone new to build a life with and if there are children then you come as a package which will only suit a small number of people.  When you meet someone new your children for a while will not always be the focus they need to be to help them

Holidays can be lonely if you are on your own - evenings and weekends when your friends have made a decision who they will keep in contact with, may not extend so many invitations - single people are not so easy to accommodate at parties and suppers. 

Your social life, will definitely change be prepared for this.

Make sure you  assess realistically the upside and the downside. Look closely at the imagined fantasy and the reality.  this will all help prepare you for what will come your way after you start the ball rolling.

If you want to talk this over contact me